Lifestyle

My Husband and I Want a Baby But I’m Scared

I chose to write about something that is very personal. But I want to use my blog as a safe haven for me and you all who are reading my posts. Since June, my husband and I have been married for over 3 years. About a month ago, my husband and I finally decided we want to have a baby of our own. We originally agreed to wait a couple of years to enjoy married life. But once year number 3 came, the subject was discussed but I was scared. Then a couple of months later, a baby was on the brain.

Y’all, it came out of nowhere!! I was looking at baby pics and posting them on my Insta-stories, began thinking of names, and was already thinking of mommy and me outfits. Those were just a few examples. What was going on with me?? Lol!! One of my closest friends noticed and ask if I was ready. So my husband and I went back to that discussion and ultimately agreed to try to have a baby but I was scared!! To be honest, a part of me still is. Here are some of the factors that drew fear of having a baby:

  1. Will I have issues having a baby like my mother? – This is a question that came up many times when the thought of having a family came up. Before my mother gave birth to me and my brother, she lost 2 babies. One was from a miscarriage and another was stillborn. I sometimes wonder if this would be my fate as well. Plus she was much younger when she experienced those losses and finally gave birth. She was in her 20s and I’m in my 30s. I fear this will be my experience and it could possibly be more difficult for me since technically my biological clock is ticking.
  2. Bringing a child into a world of social injustice – 2020 has been an emotional rollercoaster especially for the Black community. There has been an overwhelming amount of people contracting and dying from Covid-19. Also, we have witnessed social injustice take place with unarmed black men and women getting killed. Yes, it’s been going on for years but it still worries me that I have to be concerned about my and my husband’s safety. But now I would have to be worried about my future child’s well-being. The death of 12 year old Tamir Rice comes to mind. A young man who was minding his own business and his life was taken just like that. That could possibly be my future child and I was terrified. Bringing another Black child into this world that’s still filled with hate. Questions begin to surface like what if my child is next? What if things do not change?
  3. Balancing a baby, being a wife, full-time job, and blogging – I work as a Paralegal for a Litigation Law Firm so I am normally in stressful situations. Then I started my own blog and recently launched a YouTube channel (subscribe if you haven’t already). People wonder how do I make time for my husband. I can’t lie, it was difficult when I began blogging. I felt like I was somewhat neglecting my husband as I was working long nights. But he was so understanding and supportive. Now I am adding a baby into the mix. What am I getting myself into?? Will I be able to balance a baby in an already busy lifestyle? I do not want to take on so many roles to the point that I burn myself out. I also considered this when making the decision to have a baby.
  4. Are we financially ready? – Don’t get me wrong. My husband and I are not struggling at all. However, we’re not rolling in dough. We are blessed to live comfortably, travel, and be able to set aside money for unforeseen circumstances. Plus we are striving to become debt free. So why bring a baby into this situation?? Having a baby is pricey and costs can be unpredictable. Why would we want to set our goal of being debt free aside for a family? My desire is to financially be able to care for my child while being able to live, travel, and shop (on a budget, of course!). And y’all know I love to shop! This was minor concern, however it was still a factor.

When these factors were considered when having a baby, there were ways to not let them sway me from wanting to start a family.

  1. Affirmations – Questioning if having a baby due to what my mom experienced had so much influence on me. And I didn’t realized that until a good friend reminded me not to speak such negativity when it comes to having a baby. Instead, speak more in the positive. She was absolutely right! So instead of thinking and speaking as if I’m going to have those issues, I’m not going to put that in the atmosphere. That meant using affirmations to bring more hope. I’ve also decided that I will invest in Affirmation Cards that a fellow Christian blogger named Toni Simmons created. She puts a lot of emphasis on affirmations as they have helped her in the past and currently. If you want more info on the Affirmation Cards, click here. I promise that you will not be disappointed!!
  2. Prayer – My grandmother considers me a prayer warrior. I honestly did not think of that until she told me how I was praying little thang at church. Lol!! As humans, it is normal to immediately consider the worse and I’m guilty of that. In the past, I was not obedient with the Holy Spirit when being told to pray. Now that I have been stronger in my faith, when God says pray, I am praying. YOU DON’T HAVE TO TELL ME TWICE!! Lol! So I began to pray for those negative thoughts, fear, and influences to not get the best of me.
  3. Embrace the importance of self-care. – This will have to be a huge component when it comes to the many roles I’m playing and adding a baby to the mix. I’m already using this in my life when balancing blogging and working full time. I no longer work until 1 or 2 in the morning. Now I only work on my blog for an hour, maybe 2 a day. But when my clock hits 10 pm, I am closing my lap top. If I feel like I’m over-extending myself, then I have no problem taking a break to focus on me. If I feel that I am not giving my husband my undivided attention, then I will stop what I am doing to give him quality time. That’s why I’ve been MIA for the past couple of weeks. Most importantly, rest during the Sabbath. Friday is that day for me when I do not go anywhere or do anything. And I no longer feel bad about it.
  4. Trust God – When it comes to the concerns of social injustice, finances, and being able to have a baby, there is only one thing I can do. TRUST GOD!! I have to trust that He will protect my child. Trust that He is our provider, not our jobs. I have to trust that He will bless us with a beautiful healthy baby without any complications. As much as we desire to have children, we are aware that we may not be able to conceive. Instead of blaming God, I am a firm believer that God allows things to happen for a reason. It may be a great opportunity to bring a child in a home through adoption or foster care. We are also considering adopting a child or having a child in foster care, especially those who parent is incarcerated. There are so many children who desire to be a part of a family. With my experience having an incarcerated parent, I would love to provide the love and support to a child that I was blessed to have.

So, I will begin my journey to start a family and of course, y’all will be a part of that. But enough about me. Was there something in your life that you wanted to do but you were scared? How did you move past it? Or is there still a struggle from time to time? Let me know in the comments. Until then, I love y’all and be blessed.

6 Comments

  • Brittany

    Thanks for sharing!! I think everyone gets scared when thinking of planning for a baby. It’s a lot to consider but as you said we have to “Trust God”. I’m walking down the same path 🙂

    • Debbie Rashton

      Praying that God grants you the desires of your heart, whether it’s your own or adoption. I’m glad that you were able to move pass your concerns and trust God.

    • Yalana Allen

      Thank you for the reminder!! No matter how strong your faith is, a reminder is always needed. I can’t wait to share this journey with yall.

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